Private Read online

  wanted to see how my classes were going—if there was anything I said. But more than anything, I was hoping I wouldn’t mess it up. I felt was too “challenging” for me. All I could think about was the repeated the order over and over in my mind. Coffee, two donuts, fact that after my one meal with the Billings Girls, I hadn’t been apple.

  invited to sit with them again. She wanted challenging? Try figuring Wait. Was Kiran’s apple red or yellow or green? I paused and out how to get back in there. But as important as I knew my social glanced over my shoulder to check. Green. Okay. Somehow I knew

  life was, I had a feeling Naylor couldn’t care less. As she gazed at me that if I got it wrong I would never be invited back to their table.

  expectantly, I wondered if Mr. Barber had told her about my first And I had to be invited back. I had to be. I’d get them breakfast day. I imagined them whispering in the faculty lounge or wherever every morning, I’d endure this lump of humiliation in my chest

  it was adults hung out at a place like this, making wagers on how every day, if they would just invite me back.

  long I might last. I gave her a tight-lipped smile, told her everything was fine, and resolved to hit the library right away to start in on that list of books he’d given me.

  I was not going down without a fight.

  It was a humid day with thick gray clouds crowding the sky, the air so heavy it felt as if the atmosphere was pressing in on me from all sides. As always, I walked with my head down and a rivulet of

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  sweat wound its way along my neck and into the collar of my T-

  “No!” I wrenched one eye open and caught a glimpse of Kiran’s

  shirt. I realized then that I was rushing. Not the kind of weather mauler grabbing his book bag and fleeing around the building

  conducive to rushing. I took a deep breath and slowed down as I toward Dreck’s front door. It was the tall, gawky kid I had seen her made my way around Drake House, a dorm for upperclassmen boys

  wink at the other day. What was supermodel Kiran doing with a

  that everyone called “Dreck” because apparently all the unsavory manga-reading loser like that? And I thought she had a boyfriend males at Easton lived there.

  in Barcelona. “I was just taking a shortcut to the library,” I told her.

  Everything was going to be fine. I just needed to chill. I just

  “I didn’t see anything.”

  needed to remember why I was here and what I was avoiding going Kiran’s hair was a rat’s nest in the back from where it had been back to. I just needed to—

  pressed up against the rough brick. Her skirt was half turned

  I rounded the corner of Dreck and heard a window opening,

  around and her lipstick was entirely gone, revealing plump, pink then a giggle. I looked up and stopped dead. There, scrambling out lips. I had never seen her look so disheveled, and she was still of a basement window and into the bushes, with the help of a large drop-dead gorgeous.

  hand on her ass, was Kiran Hayes. She scrambled up, laughing,

  “Yeah, right,” she said, taking a step toward me. “You’re not

  then straightened her skirt and brushed the dirt from her bare

  going to tell anyone about this, right?”

  knees. Seconds later, a boy emerged, pulling himself up and tack-

  “No,” I said. “No. Of course not.”

  ling her into a kiss. Kiran pushed at his shoulders at first, but then

  “Because you cannot even comprehend the things I can do to

  let out a slight moan and kissed him back.

  you,” she said.

  Kiran Hayes was making out with a Dreck boy. The Dreck boy’s

  Wow. This girl really knew how to cast a threat. Her eyes, so hands were, in fact, sliding up her tank top toward her breasts.

  stunningly beautiful on a normal day, were now filled with venom.

  Right. I didn’t need to see that.

  But even in my intimidated state, I realized that this was a moment I turned to go, but the flash of movement must have caught

  I could use to my advantage. I could show Kiran I was trustworthy.

  Kiran’s eye. A moment later, she barked.

  I’d been handed another opportunity to prove myself.

  “Wait! Don’t move,” she demanded.

  “Don’t worry,” I said. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut and turned back toward her, my pulse

  And then, to my surprise, I saw a flicker of relief. She was really racing.

  scared that people would find out about this. Why? Maybe the kid

  “God! You really are a voyeur, aren’t you?” she said.

  was kind of a dork, but Kiran was the sort of powerful, popular girl

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  who could get away with dating whomever she wanted and still rise above the snickers and the rumors. Why was she so concerned

  about keeping this little affair hush-hush?

  “Good,” Kiran said. “Now go.”

  No time for questions I’d never have the courage to ask anyway.

  FORCE FED

  I turned and got out of there as fast as I could.

  For a while, I had no contact with the Billings Girls, aside from practices with Noelle, at which she mostly ignored my existence. By the third week of school, I was starting to feel hopeless, wondering what I had done wrong. Had Kiran told them to shun me in order to keep me away from them, thereby lessening the chances that I

  would reveal what I knew? Every time I saw her I wanted to talk to her, to reassure her that I would keep my mouth shut. But every time I saw her, she was with Noelle or Taylor or Ariana and there was no way I could approach them.

  Approaching them without an invitation was out of the question.

  Meanwhile, it seemed as if the Billings Girls were everywhere.

  During morning services one particularly hot day, Dean Marcus

  announced that a very special guest and alumnus of Easton had

  come to make an announcement, then introduced Lance Hallgren,

  Oscar-winning superstar and champion, for no apparent reason

  that I had ever been able to discern, of the U.S. space program.

  Everyone applauded and murmured as Lance stood before the

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  podium, all big teeth and slick hair, and told us that he was not the Easton newspaper— The Chronicle—with an accompanying story only star there that day. That he had graced us with his presence proudly noting that it had been accepted to be published in The New only to present a National Academic Award for Excellence in

  Yorker, which received thousands of submissions from poets of all Scientific Research by a high school student to Taylor Bell. He ages and stages of accomplishment. Then the ballot came out for brought her up to the front of the chapel to thunderous applause, that year’s senior class superlatives, and Noelle’s name was all over then handed over a plaque and a check for $5,000. The award also it. She was nominated for everything from Most Beautiful to Most came with an all-expenses-paid trip to Washington, where Taylor Likely to Succeed to Class Couple to Best Sense of Humor.

  would present her research during a banquet at the Smithsonian

  That I had yet to see evidence of.

  Institution, where she would sit at Lance Hallgren’s table.

  I glanced over at the Billings table as Diana, Constance, and I The biggest academic award I had ever won got me a stiff blue

  emerged from the lunch line on a rainy Tuesday afternoon. Without ribbon and a $25 gift certificate to Outback Steakhouse.

  the sun streaming through the skylight, the cafeteria seemed dim That same day, Kiran received a bouquet of two dozen white lilies and dank. But s
till, the Billings girls were the brightest spot in the right in the middle of lunch hour. She passed the card around, so I room.

  assumed they weren’t from her secret Dreck boy, who sat a few tables

  “Have you picked an artist for your art history project yet?”

  away, watching miserably. Moments later, the two delivery men

  Diana asked me as we took our seats at the end of our usual table.

  returned, wheeling a lime-green Vespa between them, right into the

  “Are you kidding? Our whole room is covered with huge art

  cafeteria. This got everyone’s attention, including the ever-present books she took out of the library,” Constance said, taking a sip of teachers, who jumped to their feet to interrogate the delivery guys.

  her sparkling water. “All she does is stress over them.”

  Instantly everyone was on their feet, theorizing. How did they get that Did she think I wanted her to tell everyone what I did in the pri-past the gate? Had they paid off security? No one was allowed to have vacy of my own room?

  motor vehicles on campus. Would they let her keep it? Like they were

  “I just don’t want to do someone everyone’s done before,” I

  going to take anything away from Kiran Hayes. Meanwhile, Kiran had said, lifting one shoulder. “I’m going for originality.”

  already straddled the Vespa, slipped on the sleek white helmet, and

  “News flash: Mrs. Treacle is fourteen thousand years old,”

  was checking out the features along with Dash, Gage, and Josh, obliv-Diana said. “You are not going to find someone she’s never seen ious to all the talk going on around her.

  done before.”

  A few days later, one of Ariana’s poems was published in the

  Constance laughed. “I am so glad I took journalism,” she said.

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  “Reporting for The Easton Chronicle is so much more fun than mem-past Dash and Kiran, I kept waiting for somebody to trip me, for orizing a bunch of boring paintings. Plus, my mom knows Mr.

  the ground to go out from under me. But nothing happened, and

  Ascher, so I’m definitely going to get a front page story.”

  finally I sat.

  Goody for you. Every time I started to like Constance, she said

  “If you want to sit over here, just sit over here,” Noelle said. “No something that reminded me how annoying she could be.

  one’s stopping you.”

  I sighed and glanced over at the Billings table, wondering how I I had a feeling it was the best invitation I was ever going to get. I was going to take a whole year of eating three meals a day over here tried not to look as thrilled as I was.

  when I had already experienced what it was like to be over there. As

  “Hi, Reed,” Taylor said, her cheeks pink.

  if sensing me watching, Noelle looked up and caught my eye. She

  “Hi,” I replied. Ariana smiled at me and returned to her book.

  sighed, shook her head, and pushed herself to her feet. Her chair Natasha and Leanne ignored my arrival, but I couldn’t have cared made a sickening scraping sound.

  less.

  “What’s she doing?” Constance asked.

  “So. There’s something we need you to do for us,” Noelle said.

  Noelle was on her way toward our table. My heart was in my

  My heart thumped and I was overcome by a rush of embarrassed

  throat.

  heat. Of course. She had only brought me over here to execute some

  “I don’t know.”

  new task. What did she want now? New toast for her turkey sandwich?

  Noelle stopped right next to us, picked up my tray full of food,

  “Okay,” I said slowly.

  turned around, and brought it back to her table without a word. She

  “We need you to break up with Kiran’s Dreck boy for her.”

  dropped it next to Kiran and raised her eyebrows at me. Kiran

  Kiran went ashen and my heart seized. I looked at her in a panic laughed and wiggled her fingers teasingly. Taylor ducked her face and saw that her eyes were wide with accusation.

  behind her curls and flushed. Ariana lowered her book for the first

  “I didn’t tell,” I blurted.

  time and looked around, confused. At the far end of the table,

  Noelle lit up with a grin. “Oh! So you knew about it?” she said, Natasha looked peeved and Leanne stared.

  looking from me to Kiran. “That’s interesting. Are you two, like,

  “Uh, I think she wants you to go over there,” Diana said.

  confidantes now or something?”

  I had to agree. I shot her and Constance baffled looks, then

  “Noelle,” Kiran said. “I—“

  rose and lifted my backpack. Noelle had made quite a scene, so

  “Don’t worry. Glass-licker didn’t tell on you,” Noelle said.

  everyone in the cafeteria was now watching my progress. As I slid

  “Your little geek has a blog. Were you aware? And he’s not too good

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  with the aliases, I must say. One of the guys stumbled across it and ripped to shreds inside. And I had the distinct feeling that Noelle e-mailed it to everyone in school last period.”

  had chosen particularly harsh words in order to punish her friend.

  Kiran looked as if she were going to throw up. Throw up, then

  My heart pounded in my ears, my eyes, my temples.

  faint, then die. My heart went out to her.

  “That’s what you want me to say?”

  “A Dreck boy, Kiran. Really,” Ariana said, her tone almost sym-

  “Word for word.”

  pathetic. “Did you think we weren’t going to find out?”

  I swallowed hard, struggling not to choke. “Now?”

  She reached for Kiran’s hand in an almost motherly manner.

  “No. Next Wednesday,” Noelle said sarcastically. “Yes, now.”

  Kiran let Ariana hold her for a moment before pulling away. She

  “Uh . . . okay,” I said. I looked at Kiran. “What’s his name?”

  swallowed hard and shook her hair back, adopting a nonchalant

  “Like it matters,” Noelle said.

  demeanor. Leaning her elbow on the table, she picked up a carrot

  “It’s James,” Kiran replied. She flashed a glance at me and I

  stick from her plate.

  recognized a glint of desperation. She really did care about this kid.

  “Whatever. We were just fooling around,” she said. “It’s not like How could she let her friends make me do this? Just because of

  I care.”

  some stupid image issue? Why didn’t she stand up for herself? For She was lying. We all knew she was lying. But I had a feeling it him?

  didn’t matter.

  I cleared my throat and stood. “I guess I’ll . . . be right back.”

  “Well, good. Because everyone knows it is unacceptable for a

  Slowly I walked over to James’s table. Overhead, rain pounded

  Billings Girl to date a Drake boy,” Noelle said. “It’s just not done.

  down on the skylight and a flash of lightning briefly lit the room.

  And since a Billings Girl can’t date a Drake boy, it stands to reason Everyone in the cafeteria was staring at me. I saw several printed that she can’t break up with one either. And that, my little glass-out pages of what must have been James’s blog on the tables. When licker, is where you come in.”

  I arrived at the end of the Dreck table, all the guys looked up.

  “This should be good,” Leanne said.

  Everyone but James, who seemed to be pointedly ignoring me.

  “Tell h
im, in no uncertain terms, that it’s over,” Noelle said, From the red blotches on his face, he knew I was there, but he kept staring me down. “Tell him Kiran no longer wants anything to do his attention trained on his manga.

  with him. Tell him she thinks he’s a pasty loser with a puny, shriv-

  “Uh . . . James?” I said, wiping my hands on my jeans.

  eled little thing and she never wants to speak to him again.”

  “Who are you?” he asked, not looking up.

  No one moved. I glanced at Kiran. I could tell she was being

  “I’m Reed,” I replied. “No . . . uh . . . Kiran sent me over here.”

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  A couple of the guys snickered and flashed grins at me. James

  render this mission a failure. And I couldn’t have that. Not now.

  looked up. I saw that he was actually quite handsome, in a pale, lab-Not after I had been given a second chance.

  troll kind of way. His eyes were a warm brown behind his glasses

  “Hey! Buddy! Get a grip!” I said firmly. “I said she doesn’t want and he had a kind, if roundish, face.

  to talk to you. You were a mistake, all right? A moment of temporary

  “Excuse me?” he said, his brow knitting.

  insanity.” I glanced over my shoulder at the table, then leaned I recited what Noelle had said in my mind. There was no way I

  toward him, lowering my voice to a near breath. “If you go over wanted to tell this poor guy all that in front of his friends, but I knew there, we’ll both get ripped to shreds. Don’t do it.”

  that I had to. If somehow it got back to Noelle that I deviated from I glanced back at Noelle. She eyed me expectantly.

  her script, I knew she would hold it against me.

  Please, please, please, don’t do it, James.

  “She said it’s over.” I pressed my lips together. “She said she no Finally, he took a deep breath and deflated.

  longer wants anything to do with you.”

  “Can you tell her . . . can you tell her I’m sorry?” he asked quietly.

  James’s jaw clenched. “What?”

  He’s sorry? He’s sorry? Was he kidding me?

  I took a deep breath and soldiered on. “She said . . . she said

  “Just don’t tell her when her friends are around,” he said. “Wait you’re a pasty loser with a puny, shriveled little thing and she never till you’re alone.”